SERENDIPITY.

-SERENDIPITY, it's one of my favorite words.
-it is, why?
-it's just such a nice sound for what it means. a fortunate accident. except, i don't really believe in accidents. i think fate's behind everything.
-oh, you do...
-yeah.
-fate's behind everything?!
-i think so...
-everything's predestined? we don't have any choice at all?
-no, i think we make our own decisions... i just think that fate sends us little signs &it's how we read the signs that determines whether we're happy or not.
-little signals...?!
-yeah.
-fortunate accidents, lucky discoveries. like columbus &america?

one of my favorite scenes/conversations of the whole movie... that, &the elevator scene. &well, just the whole movie itself. who caaan't watch this movie over &over...

-what do you miss most about mother england?
-i miss my mom, terribly.
-if i were her, i'd miss you too.
(lol... suuuch i line!)

monster MAILI!

...&knocked me on my face.

CURRENTLY FEELIN' &LOVIN'...


"...not again.
oh, this ain't supposed to happen to me.

keep rockin' &keep knockin'.
whether you louis vuitton it up or reebokin'.
you see the hate that they're servin' on a platter,
so what we gon' have dessert or disaster?

i never thought i'd be in love like this.
when i look at you my mind goes on a trip.
&you came in... &knocked me on my face.
feels like i'm in a race, but i've already won first place.
i never thought i'd fall for you as hard as i did.
you got me thinkin' about our life, our house, &kids.
every mornin'... i look at you &smile.
'cause boy you came around... &you knocked me down.

(chorus) sometimes love... comes, around.
&it knocks you down,
just get back up when it knocks you down.
sometimes love... comes, around.
&it knocks you down,
just get back up when it knocks you down.

i never thought i'd, hear myself say...
ya'll gon' hate, i think i'm gonna' kick it with my girl today.
i used to be commander in chief of my pimp ship flyin' high...
til' i met this pretty little missile, that shot me out the sky.
hey, good to know i'm crashin'... don't know how it happened.
but i know it feels, so damn good.
said if i could go back &make it happen faster,
don't you know i would, baby if i could.
miss independent... to the fullest.
but no, never too much.
she helpin' me pull it.
she shot the bullet, that ended that life.
i swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight, girl...

(chorus)

tell me now can you make it past your caspers?...
so we can finally fly off into NASA?
you was always the cheerleader of my dreams.
to seem, to only date the head of football teams.
&i was the class clown that always kept you laughin'.
we, were never meant to be baby we just happened.
so please, don't mess up the trick... hey young world i'm the new slick rick.
they say, i move too quick but we can't let the moment pass us.
let the hourglass pass right into ashes.
let the wind blow the ash right before my glasses.
so i wrote this love letter right before my classes.
i coulda' got his ass, someone that's only average.
for advice, O.M.G. you listen to that bitch?
woe is me, baby this is tragic.
'cause we had it, we was magic.
i was flyin', now i'm crashin'.
this is bad, real bad, michael jackson...
now i'm mad, real mad, joe jackson...
you should leave your boyfriend now, i'ma ask him.

(chorus)"

"so you gotta' put the good with the bad, happy &the sad.
so you will bring a better future than i had, in the past...
oh 'cause... i don't wanna make the same mistakes, i did.
i don't wanna' fall back, on my face again.
i'll admit it, i was scared to answer love's call...
&if it hits, better make it worth the fall.

(chorus)

won't see it comin' when it happens, hey...
but when it happens you're gonna' feel it, let me tell you now.
you see when love knocks you down...
won't see it comin' when it happns...
but when it happens you're gonna' feel it, let me tell you now.
you see when love knocks you down..."

"the rebirth of my art." -A.W.

so the bf &i had a faaabulous time exploring the ANDY WARHOL exhibit in SF.

i'm so fortunate to have such an open minded bf, who puts his interests aside &actually enjoys tryin' new things. &at most times adopting those new interests. we all know he's not too creative or artsy (though it's so "cute" when he tries... i.e. his charcoal drawin' of me ;] lol.) but it's lovely to see his astonishment &amazement by the arts &crafts after assumin' it would be rather boring. well, we've been to many different independant/underground art shows, but of course, andy's was by far the best!

i lost track of boonce as his amazement by andy's work led him in different directions but i couldn't help but stare at each piece. unexpectedly it became a touching &emotional journey... actually, i really am just that sensitive. lol. but i've always been a fan of andy's avant-garde work &lifestyle. from middle school through high school i've admired his work which has in many ways assisted me in finding &drawing out my inspiration. from his books &short films, i always found myself relating to some of his many different philosophies. i just appreciate the deep, internal emotion behind the simplicity of his work.

all in all, it really made me miss the artistic side of myself. the "project" me. &i know it's mostly due to lack of inspiration &that's what saddens me. but at least it hasn't all left... 'cause i'm always, constantly takin' photos &i stay naturally focused on the fashion scene ;) i guess all the materialized part of myself is the andy in me, lol. &well, hopefully this will be "the rebirth of my art"...

easter weekend.

w/DACO's @dNb's...

raspberry kamikazies xD

&fruity pebbles :)

followed by... patron shots :X

for starters... tokyo teas &purple hooters ;)

MAD5 reunited.

hula halau 'o nalua otea api.

boy do i have a lot on my mind... but at this time may fail to blog all of my thoughts.
i've recently got back into tahitian! doin' what i do best, shakin' my ass! ;D it was so great to see all my halau ohana &be able to dance side by side with them again. but man... was i bent out of shape. even with hittin' the gym a lot lately, my knees were completely unprepared for that workout. my knees swelled up long before i had a moment to catch my breathe. but at least i kept my stamina goin'! &that's what i was really afraid of losing... it feels wornderful bein' back! &hopefully i can keep at it.
on another note; my emotions have been running recklessly lately &it's not even that time of month ;X lol. with the whole sandra cantu story, my baby sister's curiosity for big kid subjects &just everything goin' on right now.

well, i've been reminiscing alot to some old 2004 &2005 playlists. &nonetheless, it's been keepin' me rather sane :)

SANDRA CANTU

prayers, blessings &deepest condolences go out to the family of sandra cantu &residences of tracy in hopes that they find the bastard(s) that committed such a horrific crime....


go to: http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/local/east_bay&id=6747604

what a beautiful mess.

i am loving the song, a beautiful mess - jason mraz!

"you've got the best of both worlds.
you're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
&lift him back up again...
you are strong but you're needy, humble but you're greedy.
&based on your body language &shoddy cursive i've been reading...
your style is quite selective,
but your mind is rather reckless.
well i guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is...
hey what a beautiful mess, this is...
it's like, picking up trash in dresses...
well it kind of hurts,
when the kind of words you write...
kind of turn,
themselves into knives.
&don't, mind my nerves you could call it fiction...
'cause i like being submerged, in your contradictions dear.
'cause here we are, here we are.
although you were biased, i love your advice.
your comebacks they're quick &probably, have to do with your insecurities...
there's no shame in being crazy,
depending on how you take these.
words they're paraphrasing this relationship we're staging...
&it's a beautiful mess, yes it is...
it's like we're picking up trash in dresses...
well it kind of hurts,
when the kind of words you say...
kind of turn,
themselves into blades.
&the kind &courteous is a life i've heard...
but it's nice to say, that we played in the dirt.
'cause here, here we are...
here we are.
we're still here.
what a beautiful mess, this is...
it's like, taking a guess when the only answer is "yes"...
&through timeless words...
&priceless pictures, we'll fly like birds not of this earth.
&tides they turn,
&hearts disfigure but that's no concern when we're wounded together...
&we tore our dresses,
&stained our shirts but it's nice today.
oh the way it was so worth it..."

&&&g'night!

anatomy of sex.

sounds so inappropriate, but yet another fun show!...

here's a funny memory...
for most of my life i can remember bein' such a bully to boys. either physically or mentally. using verbal abuse or sarcasm. lol. but i was typically mean to the boys that liked me. i look back &question why?! i have just always been that girl that only wanted the guy i liked, to like me. which is a bit contradicting considering i like attention (natural though, i don't crave it).

but anyway, i remember in the 6th grade when i found out tyson edwards had a crush on me i talked so much shit to everyone about him. i made as much fun of his appearance as i could &somehow had him chase me around school only to see him fall &roll through the tan bark. LOL!!! even after all the cuts, bruises &scars, not a chance goes unmissed that when we come across one another he still tries to hit on me. which is even funnier because i could now say that i've turned him down over a million times. haha. surprisingly though, i could say to this day that we are still friends &have stayed friends after all the humility. he'd probably just laugh &jokingly bitch about this blog if he were to read it...

my bf would probably even say that i'm still a bully, but he knows better ;) haha... JK!
some things just never change... &i'm amazed.

science of sex appeal.

i am/was watchin' the most interesting thing... &it's givin' me a bit of self confidence &reassurance. you gotta' love that discovery channel!

everyone has been askin' &wondering, "why are you goin' to the gym?" "you're so skinny." "you don't need to lose any weight." etc, etc. &well, after watchin' this show it's crossed my mind "why am i workin' out so hard!?" first off, i am not trying to lose thaaat much weight. just tyin' up all my loose ends, gettin' into shape, becomin' fit! vegas is in two months &well, i'd just love to look &feel my BEST. &summer is just around the corner...

but anyways, i've always known through research &statistics that the majority of men are attracted to women of curves. girls not with boobies but with a booty &curvacious hips. you know, your typical coke bottle shape. &well, as much as i naturally complain to the bf about my small waist, wider hips &"bubble butt" (LOL. what i've been teased about 'til this very day...) this show has surprisingly given me some reassurance that i should be blessed to be small &have some curves. haha. i don't know exactly why, but for the past year i've had just a bit of an image issue &been feeling a bit unproportional lately. no worries though, all this gym time has been makin' feel a lot healthier!

(watching show...)

here's some F.Y.I.
*besides the false idea of men likin' skinny, big boobed girls... women are the choosers of relationships. as much as men may treat women as the animals of a petting zoo... the men are the real animals ;)
*men &women are naturally &socially rated a 1-10 &subconcsiously &most often when men &women pair up, they pair up with those with the same # or at most 2 #'s away from that #.
*the 10's are usually approached most often &turn down the 5's &under, but in the end the 10's typically match up with another 10 &have super babies! jk. but take brad &angelina for instance...
*in other cases, girls trade aspects of mate for another aspect. like beauty for bronze. arrogance for money. so a 10 could be with a 5 as long as the 5 was either really nice or really rich! lol.
*as much as we say we don't like to judge a book by it's cover, sex appeal is the highest most important factor of choosing a mate. that includes, age, voice tone, health &symmetry in appearance. crazy...
*men are most attracted to women when women are ovulating. women usually don't even feel attractive at those times, but who knew! ...i did, actually.


this show was so damn interesting :)

3 is not my favorite in the "3rd person"

a customer once talked in the 3rd person to me &he was rude. he looked rude &his friend giggled about it &went along with this 3rd person act of foolishness. the customer made it obvious that he was lookin' down upon me as if i was your typical slave to customer service. but, i'm NOT! i'm cute, i put on a damn good "nice" personna &i smile... a lot! who was he to judge whether i was worthy enough to be talked to in the FIRST person... as i handed them their change all that crossed my mind was, "what an arrogant, old, fat, unmarried bastard!" -pardon my language-

so i was watchin' this reality series about millionaires in search of love &the matchmaker was tryin' to set up this millionaire who constantly talked in the 3rd person! no wonder he's single &can't find love!!! not only did he look like an asshole, but the more he talked the more he sounded like an asshole. &in the end... the asshole couldn't even BUY love! perhaps he should learn how to actually talk to people himself, instead of lettin' his ego talk for him. UGH.

it's cute when kids do it as they're learning their speech, but after that it's just not cute anymore. it's just as bad as having the person right beside you, tell the person right in front of you everything you have to say. we immaturely do that when we don't want to talk directly to someone. thus, it's simply mean. &it doesn't make it any nicer by talkin' in the 3rd person. it's an arrogant &egotistical way of makin' others feel inferior to them. even the nicest person could talk in the 3rd person &become arrogant just like that! don't do it...

you're not superior to me &i am more than worthy of direct communication. shiiit.

love, sex &magic.

justin timberlake is lookin' lovely in this video. &this has to be by far, the sexiest dance video i've seen in awhile... but i still don't get the "magic" part of it. the song isn't too shabby but damn, this video is hot!

now i lay me down i'to sleep...

i'm tired of bein' the last one awake at night.
i already miss shin'shina &the best man.
i really... miss C3J. a shin'dig is long overdue.
my birthday is now officially, less than 2 months away!
i'm so ready to move on &out with the bf. another obstacle to conquer together...
we want to get a blue-nose pitbull &name him Stitch. it only makes perfect sense, considering my favorite disney movie is Lilo &Stitch. &stitch is blue &is supposed to be lilo's dog ;)
a preview to beyonce's new movie; "obsessed" just came on. hmm... how funny.
i'm DONE with sbux. by this point i could probably only stand working with 5 of the 20 partners at my store. sad, i know. i feel a bit unappreciated for the hardwork that i put in each day &i don't want to be a burden to anyone because of my unhappiness. we'll see how the summer kicks off...
i am no longer flattered by infatuation, but annoyed &confused.
startin' next week, back to shakin' my ass again! can't wait ;D
&&&to be continued...

mis favoritos ;)

mental stimulation

i always appreciate good conversations with good friends because to be quite honest, there's not too many people i know that could even hold one. &when it's the bf, the best man &myself there's plenty of mental stimulation. it's always the best of times when my favorite whiteboy, christopher james hudson, is in town :) naturally there's deep convo, debate &perspective. &boonce has just always been the best listener, tie breaker &/or fight breaker-upper. LOL. bein' the psych major he is (whiteboy) i promised him i'd be his first patient ;) of course &most obviously he wouldn't be my first therapist, but he would by far be the best. &we would both be gaining something. he's one of the two people who knows how to talk to me without intentionally givin' advice &makin' it about him. &well, if i'm one of the two women in his life that gets to decide who he marries then obviously through our convos my opinions matter. haha.

some people think they could help another by simply offering advice or by a relation &/or comparison. but most times that isn't the solution nor case. when someone is in need, feeling down, or simply wants someone to listen... why is it that people act so selfishly as to try &relate. most times people just want to see things in a whole new perspective, to reassure themselves. &a WHOLE new perspective, not a similar case from another person's point of view. as humans we can offer advice but in the end we make our own choices &decisions. &since we do that, why not help ourselves &neglect the advice of others. politely listen, but don't become too influenced by the faults, regrets &/or learning experiences of others.

at least, that's how i am. as much as i love to hear what others have to say, i can only accept advice from myself. people don't realize that we all have different issues because naturally we are all different. people can go through similar situations but it's how we deal with the situation &how it makes us feel that separates us. so as easy as it is for people to try &relate, nobody really can. now if you take that issue, problem, decision, or thought &look at it outside of the box &see it for what it is instead of how others may... then maybe we can all learn to help ourselves.

that's exactly why it's always a pleasure when whiteboy is around. he doesn't encourage what's right from wrong or what choices to make. he doesn't try to relate or compare to anythin'. he simply lays it out all on the table &works from outside the box down to the center. &he has me as his friend to help him realize he does just this. haha. &i'm not necessarily talkin' about personal things but with any issue or in anybody else's case. it's not always about ourselves but about the issue itself.

by dealing with things this way, i haven't necessarily solved all my problems or anythin'. but i'd like to think that it has helped me be less selfish. i am more observant of all situations &circumstances &no longer seek guidance, but choose to help myself. &although it may seem a bit hypocritical, i looove encouraging others to think more about their issues &find their own solutions!




just bloggin' about everything is so mentally stimulating... lol. gnight!

conrado justin barba

while i've been here in tracy for the past couple of days visiting my family &a dear friend of mine, an acquaintance &dear friend of my friends' has lost their life back home in the bay. i send my blessings &deepest condolences to his family &everyone else his untimely death has impacted. for the past couple of years, it's become more apparent that the violence in fremont/union city&hayward is still lingering around &pops out unexpectedly. but from what i've witnessed, it's never succumbed to such tragic. it's the most unfortunate thing that his life was cut so short... &as much as i miss everyone back home in the bay that i have not seen in so long, i'm suddenly not so eager to see anyone. only to be around anger, angst, grief &worry. but i've experienced one too many deaths in my family &through friends, that i offer my utmost support &shoulder for anyone.

refer to: "http://chantalnoelleblog.blogspot.com"

&what's really goin' on...

i've been so blinded by all that's been happening that i've lost my train of thought... &i'd love to think of that as a good thing, but to me it just means i've lost focus of myself again.

it's frustrating to me that i could be so obviously happy during certain occasions &events &then go back &question myself, "was i really as happy as i seem?" they're like emotional breaks from reality, but those breaks ARE my reality. &for once or forever, i'd just love to appreciate those moments without having to question the way they make me feel.

it's as if i need approval from myself to be "happy". don't get me wrong, it's not as if i'm always upset or anything. i just don't think i'm able to accept the fact that i'm happy, when i am. that, or i've just been "OK" &/or "content" for too long... therefore the questions that always stress me are, "how're you?" or "how're you doin'?" or "are you ok?". anything to that extent!

this has been goin' on for far too long &i'm just ready to discover somethin' else about ME... not to find myself, but to just focus on some other aspect of myself. i wish i could see myself as others do. then maybe i could understand a little more. because as much as i say, "if i were you, i'd like me too!" i remain such a mystery to myself that i don't understand what it is about me that everyone else seems to know &attracts them to me. as my family, my friends, or my anything...

in all actuality, nobody really knows anythin'... but i bet some think they could read me or at least wish they could ;) after all, my bf of almost 6 years still finds me to be unpredictable! so even if i haven't learned to fully appreciate myself yet, at least i can say that i have someone who loves me &all different sides of me. whether or not he fully understands, he's there &has always more than willingly been there to try...




this shit's gonna' start gettin' repetitive, i'm done :)

what's been happening...

i love tea.

&paul rudd is definitely my cup of tea ;)

from adam brody to paul rudd, there's just somethin' about them jewish boys... mmm.











on ANOTHER note: i'm both happy &sad.
i'm happy that i finally got my damn laptop fixed after almost 2 years! way to lag, right. thank god it's still a NEW, up to date (not out of date) sony vaio :) at least the bf &i no longer have to fight over his laptop...

the sad part is, my whole system was rebooted without any of my 1millionx photos &videos saved. there goes all of my "3 years ago" memories. it's unfortunate, that now i have to go around to all my old high school friends &ask for copies of EVERYTHING! i really, really am upset about this. it's such a loss. if there's anythin' i'd keep with me from my past it would definitely be all of my photos. everyone knows how much i love &cherish pictures. they capture my happiest moments &the best of every other emotion. *tear*

moving on...

HAPPY 21ST CHANTZ!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO CHANTAL NOELLE DACO CABILDO! :) hope you have/had the most fun-filled, spectacular time at disneyland!!!
&i just wanted to let you know that you are such a blessing to have as a friend &i am thankful for the love &support that you give me just as family member :)
i look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with you! LOVE YA' GIRL!!!