middle school confessions.

this documentary that i've been watchin' for the past hour is makin' me rather depressed at the moment. simply because i can really relate to the topics &not necessarily by personal experience but even just witnessing certain acts &events as the same kids are in this documentary. it makes me question, "man, what the fuck was i thinkin' when i was younger!?"

so the documentary is called, "middle school confessions". &it's fairly old, based on the cinematography. but it focuses on different kids in all parts of the country &how they face issues with sexual activity, orientation, violence, drug &alcohol, &depression. &i just noticed it's hosted by samuel l. jackson. well i'd love... to elaborate. because my favorite topic after all, is adolescence.

(interuption. i just seen a commercial for the finale of "the girls next door" &it's so sad as well. all the girls are movin' out of the mansion... gotta' watch that episode! lol.)

so one of the stories that caught my attention were about these 11-14 year old kids coming out to their friends &family. &i was just so intrigued because for those of us that are straight, we long to find &learn somethin' about ourselves &in an amazing, jealous way i'm happy to see that these kids have already discovered an important part of themselves &are learning to deal with it at such a young age. of course the sad part about it, is how they're teased &bullied because they're strong enough to have even come out to the public just as kids. fortunately these kids have an after school program almost like the boys &girls club, that they are able to go to &hang out with other gay, lesbian &bi kids that are dealing with the same struggles in their societies. in the end, it just makes me so proud to be good friends with the gay community &to have always been a supporter &member of the Gay Lesbian &Straight Alliance in my old high school.

another story that hit me hard, was about a 12 year old boy &his family finding out that he has depression. &it's not that he's teased or bullied, but simply that he has no friends &can't find the urge to even be "befriended". this little boy is quite the observer &is part of the "bully-proofing" class at his school, where kids act out bullyin' situations just to learn how to handle it. well, he realizes that all the kids in this class are fake &say one thing in the class but act out differently. so he struggles with the thoughts as to why people act the way they do. &this causes him to be anti-social, do bad in school &have uncontrollable emotions. his parents take him to a therapist &they find out he's even thought about killing himself. &apparently, when his dad was the same age, he too had tempted to commit suicide 3 times. it's just so horrible, but even more horrible that situations like this aren't surprising but aren't as noticeable we'd hope to see.

it just goes to show, that nobody really needs a reason to be depressed &that sometimes people just ARE. &they can't help how they feel or what makes them feel that way. sometimes it is just hereditary after all. but i think that no matter how big the issue is, it should always be takin' seriously because we need to take that precaution. which perhaps, can result in savin' a life. especially at an adolescent age, because at that age we haven't lived life long enough to know that there are people that do understand. &not just those that "say" they understand, but those that at least try to. i can go on &on about this topic, because it's somethin' i'm really passionate about. i would love to talk to yound kids about depression &be that understanding person. along with the 12 year old boy who was at first unaware of the disease, i think this is a topic that we need to be more aware of...

in another issue; pre-teen drinking. which is definitely somethin' i strongly discourage. boys &girls in the 5th grade hangout &drink their parents' alcohol or steal it &drink at a nearby park. when they are caught, they blame it on the parent's not bein' there. &i'm sorry, but obviously the parents' weren't all THAT there because they then would've noticed something was up &perhaps could have prevented it. i don't know, i come from two point of views. kids do get bored &find trouble to get into, but alcohol should never be an option. especially at a young age. there is a deeper reason behind choosing alcohol over a different hobby, but it differs in the kid themself.

but when i look at when i was younger &the friends i had, i see it as somethin' they needed to prove themselves. i realized i had more goin' for me &hell of alot scarier parents to be lookin' at alcohol as a scapegoat, but with the pressure at that age (even without your friends tryin' to force you to do so) you just do it &move on. but when i think about it now, those old friends of mine had nothin' to worry about. whether they were an only child, had too much freedom as a 12 year old, or they just simply had no other hobbies or passion for anythin' else. &i had dance, basketball, fashion &schoolwork (that i had to focus on in order to not get my ass beat) lol. so like i said before, "what the fuck was i thinking!?" whether it was choosing to hang out with that crowd or for bein' careless for those quick seconds of tastin' alcohol... i don't know. i was stupid, my sister was stupid &i'd kick my little brother's ass if i find out he takes a sip of alcohol before the age of 18, at least! ;]

&the documentary goes on to show kids that are gang related &continuously violent, &sexually active boys &girls.

as i'm gettin' older, i feel the many stresses of adulthood along with the stresses i've carried with me through adolescence &it's a lot to deal with &handle. so i wonder how parents could really do it all. especially the parents that too have uncontrollably carried with them the stresses from their pasts. it seems easier to focus on babies &infants because they constantly need our care, but once the kids start to grow older they are encouraged by many other people besides the parents themselves. &they are encouraged to start takin' care of themselves &to be independant whether they are ready or not. &for those moments that our parents need to take care of other business, the focus on the pre-teens is lost &that's when the challenges arise.

sometimes i wonder if we were all just meant to be with our parents as a baby &toddler &then left to live out the rest of our lives independantly &for some, alone...